Source: AUN News
The people who tested me for Covid are listed here, ordered from worst to most significant.
No. 77: Some dude, Brown eyes. Fleshy upper cheeks. Ears: consistent. they said only “Next.” Why didn’t you inquire how your day was? Decent hair, despite that.
No. 76: A female. Regular features include normal hair, upper cheekbones, eyes, and ears. Swab performance varies. More rotations were made in the left nostril than in the right. Has she lost track? Additionally, I received a monotonous confirmation of my birthdate.
No. 75. the gender, says Forget about the eyes, ears, upper cheekbones, and hair. I vaguely recall saying something about how dry the inside of my nose was. That’s none of your fucking concern, I retorted. Well, I certainly did.
No. 74: Self-evaluation. I despise myself.
No. 73: a man. I made a big deal of how he wrapped the vial containing the pinkish Covid liquid with an adhesive label bearing my name. Said it seemed highly theatrical.
No. 72: I won’t go into details, but I ended up bleeding from my lips, nose, ears, and eyes. I was not ranked as the worst since I like to bleed.
No. 71: The eyes are supposedly the portals to the soul. Not with this individual.
No. 70: A man who was ecstatic about going to Belize soon. He kept mentioning Belize and the things he planned to undertake there. I was at a disadvantage because I had never been to Belize and hadn’t even considered visiting, so I was limited to asking if there were any noteworthy museums. I thought I was a moron. I overheard him discussing his vacation to Belize with the following patient when I went.
Nos. 69–64: Not fantastic, but also not awful.
How was your trip to Belize, then? I queried. He didn’t remember me, I concluded as soon as I saw the blank look in his brown hair, blue-green eyes, and entire upper cheekbones. Just a number, I was.
I replied, “I was ready to ask you about the Actun Tunichil Muknal in case you ever tested me for Covid again.” What? he exclaimed. “It’s a cave in the Tapir Mountain Nature Reserve,” I continued. Within Belize. He responded, “Oh. The beach is where we stayed.
No. 62: A female. Eyes: good. Cheekbones: good. Fine hair. Middle ears.
NO.61: Another female. Hollowed-out holes for eyes Chapped upper cheeks. Hair: charred: Loss of ears.
Nos. 60-9: These are hazy because my father and I were at odds at the time. For legal and personal reasons, I don’t want to go into much detail, but to cut a long tale short: My father is ignoring me. Have you seen the movie “Jaws”? My dad directed it. He has conveyed through his legal counsel that I am not his son while acting as though he is unaware of who I am. You can imagine how terrible this is. I apologise for the ambiguity here.
No. 8: Eyewear! My very first pair of glasses! And not just safety glasses! Under the goggles, drinks. I never imagined living to see the day.
No. 7: British accent.
No. 6. Einstein’s hair, just like that.
No. 5: This transpired: I looked horrible as I entered the testing area—coughing, having trouble breathing, and being weak. “Look, I’m sure I have Covid,” I remarked. (Full disclosure: I have not had a vaccination because I agree with every argument against vaccination. Why undergo so many tests if one doesn’t believe in vaccinations? You could wonder.
Additionally, my life is lonely, and I’m bored.) I was lost. I acknowledged, “I’m fairly certain I have Covid,” and followed it up with, “But, if you could find it in your heart to make sure I test negative, perhaps switch the vials with the person in front of me, that would be fantastic. I don’t care who I infect since I have to take my monthly flight to Toronto without a mask so I can view the city from the CN Tower. He carried it out.
No. 4: I asked the person administering my test, “Do I know you? I’m sorry, I realise this is crazy. Your ears, upper cheeks, hair, and eyes are strikingly similar. I murmured, “The coast is clear,” something I’ve always wanted to whisper, as she looked around to see if anyone was looking. She then took off her mask to see her mouth. It was Jennifer Aniston.
“I thought I recognised you,” I said. She blushed and offered a very Rachel-like shrug; I’ll say that. What are you doing here doing Covid tests? I questioned. Hey, it’s a lonely existence, she said. She said, “Neither am I,” when I remarked, “I’m not immunised.” She later validated my date of birth, had me tested for Covid, and we dated for a year after that.
No. 3: LeBlanc is not a “Friends” episode. An alternative to Matt LeBlanc.
No. 2: He said, “I did recall you the second time I tested you. I tried to keep my composure. It was the individual who visited Belize. “See, I thought I hammered Belize home too hard. So I chose to back off when I saw you again. Anyway, it was only natural that I visited the Actun Tunichil Muknal. One of the sets of human remains used as sacrifices in the cave, known as the Crystal Maiden, has been thoroughly covered in calcite crystals.
Yes, I did acknowledge all of it.
No. 1: A female viewer of “Better Call Saul.”
Analysis by: Advocacy Unified Network